Ninth day of Lent

Making this list of the 40 most influential people in my life has been a very insightful Lenten exercise. I have finally caught up and am even working a day or two ahead in sending these notes of gratitude. It is helping me to have a broader understanding of my life. That is helping me not to get so caught up in every moment, but to see my life as a series of moments; all of which are important, but none carry more weight than they should carry. All moments are not equal, and thus God has used a variety of people, in a variety of ways, at a variety of times, to do a variety of things. But it all has been God at work.

It is not that it is all about me, but I must take time to see and know me. If I don’t, then how can I really see and know someone else. It is so easy in ministry to focus on others that one might never focus on their own spiritual needs. It is awkward writing every day about my introspection. It almost feels a bit egotistical, yet isn’t that what Lent is all about - self introspection? I guess the difference is found in what I do with what I see and learn about me. I suppose it could go to my head when I receive affirmation in my journey. And I suppose it could go to my gut and live there too long when I receive conviction of sin and see the weaker parts of me.

Lord, help me to see and know myself. As a matter of fact, that sounds a bit like a Psalm I once memorized. “Search me O God and know my heart. Test me and know my thoughts.” Psalm 139:39. That is my prayer. Help this Lenten exercise not to be just an exercise for exercise sake. Help it to be what you need for it to be so that I can be for others what you need for me to be for them.