12th day of Lent

Dealing with death is not easy for me. My first encounter was at age 6 when my brother died unexpectedly of bacterial meningitis. He was only 18 months old. My memories are sparse, but I do remember it being the first time that I witnessed my dad cry. I didn’t fully understand what had occurred, and I’m not sure how it impacted me. I only have memories of a lot of people loving us and giving us an unusual amount of attention.

Later, it was my grandparents’ deaths that impacted me. At age 10, then age 12, I attended the funerals of my paternal grandmother and grandfather, respectively. My maternal grandparents lived until my young adult years. All four deaths were hard and sad. Yet all four died as people of significant faith; therefore in the sadness was celebration.

The first funeral I preached was hard. It was for a man who was very much a grandfather figure for me - Papa Mayhue was what everyone called him. I “broke down” (to use an old Southern phrase) during my comments celebrating his life. I was a freshman in college, and it was embarrassing to cry in public. I have shared in numerous memorial worships of celebrating people’s lives since Papa Mayhue. It still isn’t easy for me.

I guess I’m glad that it is never easy. Death is not something that I want to become “old hat” (to use another Southern phrase). I’m not embarrassed to cry in public anymore. Usually the crying for me happens more with the family than at the Service of Remembrance. It hurts to see people hurt. And it is frustrating not to be able to fix their pain in the moment. Death is not easy.

My dad is working at a funeral home in his retirement. He loves to connect with people and to feel helpful in their great time of need. It keeps him going. God does use him in some wonderful ways. I’m not sure, though, I will do that in my retirement. Death just isn’t easy.

Lent is about dying - dying to self and to sin. That’s not easy either. The temptation is to just ignore sin and to justify keeping self at the center. Death is hard, and yet death is necessary. Lent reminds me of the “necessary-ness” of death. If there is to be a resurrection, death has to occur. It is true about life, and it is true about sin.

Lord, help me to be willing to submit to what is hard and uncomfortable - maybe even painful. Help me to learn to embrace death rather than fight it. Help me to see it is a doorway to life. In the meantime, help me to live life so that whether in death or in life, I am at peace with You.