11th day of Lent

Today was a day to focus on prayer. The question was, "Why pray when so often it seems that God isn’t there?" It was a good question for me to revisit. The process of sermon preparation and eventual delivery I have often compared to how women (I certainly wouldn’t know for certain) describe pregnancy and childbirth. It is in the labor of preparing for birth that a tremendous amount of bonding takes place between mother and child. When the birth happens, the "birth-er" is already ahead of everyone else when it comes to bonding with the infant (or in this case "infant sermon"). I have occasionally exited the study after several hours of sermon preparation proclaiming to my secretary or to my wife or to anyone who would listen, "I just gave birth to a 9lb. 10 oz. baby sermon."

So I have bonded with prayer this past week, and it was born anew in me this morning in the delivery process of preaching. It is true when it seems that prayer is a meaningless exercise in self-conversation that is when I need to pray all the more. It is in those moments when I don’t "feel" that God is listening that I need pray all the more. It is in those moments that God just may be doing God’s best work in me. As a matter of fact, I have been reminded that this kind of prayer is "faithful" prayer. And it is this kind of prayer that needs of me my most honest expressions to God. In this honesty of feeling God’s absence (or not feeling God’s presence), my relationship with God grows deeper and wider. And relationship with God is what prayer is; it is what prayer is all about.

Lord, during Lent help me to be honest with you even if it "feels" like I am exercising a meaningless act of self-conversation. I trust that it is in such moments you are about the good work of interrupting such conversation with word and a voice from you. I do want to hear you. I want to continue to learn to recognize the sound of your voice. Thanks for understanding my humanness and loving me into a deeper and wider relationship with you.